


Ook

by Not_You



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Angst, Coulson Lives, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Pets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-03
Updated: 2012-11-03
Packaged: 2017-11-17 15:48:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/553244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Not_You/pseuds/Not_You
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for a prompt for Coulson having some beloved pet that Tony kidnaps rather than letting SHIELD have it.  Alas, he didn't realize that Clint and Coulson were a very well-concealed couple and that the pet is also one of the only things that can comfort a devastated Clint.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ook

Seriously, what the hell is he supposed to do? He just meant to check on the place, make sure everything was being handled respectfully... And then there's two Capuchin monkeys hugging each other like lost kids and it's just sad as fuck and nobody seems to notice that they're freaking the hell out and monkeys are supposed to be sensitive, right? Before he really knows what he's doing, he's snatching the poor little guys away from SHIELD. They've gotta be missing Phil even worse than everyone else, and they can't bite through the armor. He flies them home and sets them up in a guest room, because fuck it, he'll just reupholster the whole thing if they shit everywhere, which they promptly do. He can't really blame them. Dad's gone, they've been menaced by SHIELD agents and kidnapped by Iron Man, and now they're in a new place that is totally not optimized for monkeys. Tony bathes, fields phone calls, and gets the room more monkey friendly. He's looking up what they eat when Pepper comes over. He leaves Jarvis to keep researching and put in orders for what they need, busy reassuring his girlfriend, Girl Friday, and queen of his universe that he is still very much alive.

The reassuring takes a while, and by the time they're done, Jarvis has all the information he needs to make monkey food along with sandwiches for himself and Pepper. The monkeys scream when he opens the door, but calm right down at the sight of the plates in his hands. He's expecting to get mobbed and have to take another shower, but they wait politely for him to set the dishes on the floor and only after his hands are clear do they lunge for the food. He chuckles even as his heart twists in his chest. Phil had mentioned his babies, but Tony had thought they were a pair of froofy little dogs or ferrets or something, not fucking monkeys. Monkeys are for irresponsible billionaires like Tony, not someone who lives-- Tony chokes, a hand over his mouth. Not for someone who lived his job like like Phil did. He's crying before he knows it, and has to sit down for a moment.

After a few minutes he looks up, and they're sitting there watching him. If he didn't know better, he'd say they look worried. One of them comes closer, and holds out half a banana with such apparent sincerity that Tony laughs through his tears. "Thanks, buddy. I probably need the potassium anyway." He takes it and eats it slowly, as the monkeys calm down and go back to their own food. And then Pepper comes to find him and he has to explain everything and he isn't very good at that and he can tell it's giving her a headache. Still, she agrees that Phil's pets shouldn't be languishing in some white room of SHIELD's, and that with all the rebuilding they have to do anyway, adding some monkey habitat can't be that hard.

Neither of them know the names of Coulson's monkeys, so they're just calling them Thing One and Thing Two for now. They seem comfortable enough in the guest bedroom, and safe enough with the outlets covered and the toiletries taken out of the bathroom and so on. Tony and Pepper are gradually easing down as well, still depressed as fuck about Phil, when Jarvis lets them know that Hawkeye is here and pissed. Mystified and wary, Tony lets him up. Earlier he was in full mental survival mode, eyes on the mission. Now he looks crazed, vibrating as he storms into the room.

"Where the fuck are the monkeys?"

"You mean Phil's monkeys?"

"Yes, goddammit!" His hands are twitching at his sides, forcibly not doing anything lethal.

"See, I took them because I figured I cared about them more--"

"FUCK YOU!" He actually snatches up a chair and hurls it across the room, chest heaving as he struggles to hold still afterward. He glances at Pepper, who has gone pale, and looks away again. "They're mine," he croaks, "really, more mine than Phil's." His voice cracks and he covers his face, wavering a little on his feet. "They came with me when I moved in," he whimpers, and Tony feels his stomach drop.

"...The cellist was a beard?"

"Yes." He doesn't move his hands, muffled but understandable. "Now where the fuck are the goddamn monkeys, you son of a bitch?"

"Come on." He pulls one of Clint's hands down, and tows him along by his wrist. "I gave 'em one of the guest bedrooms. I mean, they are guests after all. As are you, despite your sudden entrance and surly demeanor. Can we get you anything? Hot chocolate, grief counselling, heroin? I've got pretty much all the booze in the free world."

Clint laughs, watery and cracked. "I'll need to get drunk, but that'll be later."

"Right, gotta look after the kids first." He opens the door. "Hey, guys."

They screech and come flying over, latching onto Clint and clinging desperately. Tony steps out and closes the door behind him, not wanting to intrude.

They all get used to Lock and Stock eventually. It helps that Tony doesn't half-ass the monkey habitat and they've got real trees and can catch their own bugs in precisely the right temperature and humidity. Clint actually fucking hugs Tony when he sees it, and they end up having this whole long conversation about feelings and what Phil would have wanted for the monkeys and Tony supposes it's salubrious if not pleasant. He's also relieved to find out that Lock and Stock are circus refugees, too old and screwed up to go back to the wild with any success. They still do tricks when they're in the right mood, but generally only for fun or a food reward.

"Baby don't work for free," as Clint says, clearly proud of their self-interest. Steve is fascinated by them and sketches them a thousand times, and even Natasha learns to make healthy monkey snacks. Lock particularly takes to her, and will sit on her shoulder and groom her hair. They're still monkeys, they're not perfectly behaved, but the nice thing is that they have enough space. When Thor's booming voice frightens them they can run back to their habitat instead of attacking, and Jarvis can always lock them in with some food and water if peace and quiet is imperative. They're used to staying in a huge wire enclosure on Coulson's balcony during his and Clint's absences, and while that had been as nice as their human guardians could make it, this is infinitely better. Tony actually gets nearly as choked up as Clint, seeing how happy the little bastards are to climb a real tree. Clint sleeps in the habitat half the time these days, and Tony doesn't blame him. He wanders over one insomniac night to see if Lock and Stock are feeling sleepless and up for a walk, but beats a quick retreat when he hears Natasha's voice. He can't make out the words, but the tone is indescribably tender and she'll probably kill him if he eavesdrops.

They're all tender with Clint, each in their own way. Tony with chatter and gifts and long nights sitting up over drinks, Thor with Asgardian mourning rituals, and Bruce with the standard-issue Tea and Sympathy. Steve hugs him right when he needs it (it's apparently another serum enhancement), but never knows what to say. Natasha just sticks close by him and often says nothing at all. Clint slowly starts to take an interest in life again, especially after Tony and Bruce analyze all the records and reports to come up with a pile of conclusive evidence of Clint minimizing the damage, however unconsciously. It seems to help him a little, and climbing with his monkeys and getting back to work seems to help a lot. Coulson was apparently a very loving co-parent to the monkeys, and Clint talks to them about him, since they're the only ones who really get what he's lost.

Or seems to have lost. To Fury's credit, he really had thought Coulson was dead, and had been pretty busted up during his emotional blackmail. The medics had called it, then thrown him into some kind of experimental regenerative/stasis meatlocker. He wakes up when Lock and Stock have been part of the Avengers Family Unit for a good two months, very calmly asking for a status report and some clothes. Finding out how long he had been gone, he had stared in horror, and begged to know if Clint had gotten the house like he was supposed to and if his babies were all right.

Usually, Fury makes his people sit down and shut up when Medical wants them to, but this time he tells them exactly where to stick it and drives Phil over to the tower himself. He calls them from a red light and tells them to assemble and prepare for a hell of a shock, but that there's no immediate danger. Coulson is practically vibrating in the shotgun seat. "...They're okay, right?"

"Who, Clint and your two secret monkey love-children? Yes. They're fine, Stark already built them some kind of arboretum."

"...I knew he cared."

"He's a sweet kid. Never tell him I said that."

"Of course not, sir."

All of them are gathered and wary, but Fury doesn't even get a chance to explain because Clint catches sight of a portion of Coulson's hand as they round the corner and leaps to his feet, eyes huge in his white face. He tries to speak, but no sound comes out, and he embarrasses himself for life by nearly fainting, only kept upright by Natasha. Phil doesn't run, but comes walking over at his brisk Agent clip and pulls Clint into his arms. There is a long, long silent moment where Coulson is pressing Clint's face into the crook of his shoulder and saying something to him way too soft to hear. And then everyone finds something to do, oozing into the kitchen to mix drinks (Tony), back to their bedroom for a sketchbook (Steve), or starting a curry out of whatever comes to hand (Bruce.) Natasha has vanished with those mad ninja skills of hers and Thor is doing an impromptu dance of joy in the middle of the kitchen, barely refraining from cheering at the top of his lungs.

Much, much later they emerge hand in hand, only to be engulfed in a giant team hug. Thor starts it but Steve is aiding and abetting and there's no way for Tony to escape. He winds up smushed between Bruce and Steve and hey, there's worse places to be. Coulson is more emotional than Tony has ever seen him, and Clint is of course looking at Coulson like he hung every celestial body visible from earth and clinging to his hand. Tony grins, and has to pause and get something out of his eye. Natasha comes slinking back and joins in, and it's a while before Coulson can go see the monkeys. Clint finally tows him there.

Lock and Stock are lurking up in the branches, and they scream with joy at the sight of Coulson. They swing and leap down, getting to him as fast as possible and then clinging desperately, making little monkey noises and grooming what's left of his hair. He sniffles and hugs them, cooing and ooking softly at them, pressing kisses to their tiny heads and stroking their fur.

As everyone had been expecting, neither Clint nor the monkeys let go of Coulson for days. Pepper is overjoyed to get Tony's call with the news and makes tracks as fast as possible, delighted to see her partner in competence. Lock and Stock have never known what to make of Pepper, but she isn't very alarming as a general rule, so they just sit on Coulson's shoulders and devour fruit, offering him choice pieces, their tails curling around his arms. Clint is stretched out with his head in Coulson's lap, too perfectly content even to be embarrassed.

"Phil the Jungle King," Pepper teases, peeling an orange of her own.

"Jungle Kings don't wear suits. And have more hair."

"I don't know, you seem to be doing well. ...God, this is so surreal."

He laughs softly, and nods, petting Clint. "I know. I'm just grateful, of course." He smiles down at Clint. "I was so worried when I realized how long it had been. I've tried to thank Tony for taking them in, but you know how he is."

"I do." Lock chitters and peels a banana, splitting it into three sections so she and Coulson and Stock can each have one. Pepper laughs. "They're so smart."

"They are." Phil chuckles. "Terrible pets, but I love them."

"Was afraid it was gonna be a deal-breaker," Clint murmurs, not opening his eyes.

"It never would have been, dear, I just needed some time to plan."

Pepper smiles, watching them. "You know Tony wants to add you to his people collection, right?"

"I've had the feeling, yes."

In the end Coulson gives in, as each of them have over time. Clint's quarters become his and Coulson's, and the two monkeys living in Avengers Tower is a nice human interest angle for the reporters.

**Author's Note:**

> Monkeys make the worst pets ever and are abused unspeakably in the exotic pet trade, don't get one. /disclaimer


End file.
